I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Found the puke drawer
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
