I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
