I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Are my feet made of real feet?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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