sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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