Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
