You smell like stripper and shame
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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