That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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