lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
