I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
