You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
