You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
do herpes really smell.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
