I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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