I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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