why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
