The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
