party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
