Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I could fuck to npr.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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