i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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