if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
