woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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