it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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