For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
