two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
