Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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