she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
