how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
