I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
