What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize