I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
