Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
