Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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