I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
