He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
