Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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