I just saw a hot homeless man
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
