Barsexuality is the new black.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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