the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
