NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
