I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
