She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
