dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
