so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
