Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize