I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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