you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
