Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
