Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
