i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
