Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
