just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
