Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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