i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
why is half of my head shaved?
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