I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
