The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I cannot find my penis.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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