I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
