Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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