I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
