Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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