I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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