i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
