I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
