She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
