I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
