it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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