So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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