Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
