Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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