The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
