He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
