My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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